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Ginger’s are capable of murder!

  •   Ginger’s are the Bain of my existence with regards to social media. Strike that, ginger’s are funny but also capable of murder. 
  •   They habitually do not follow back on Twitter and are habitually funny. Sooo frustrating. Actually only one ginger is capable of murder that ginger is; Louis C.K. He does so many different things enabling him to have an enormous amount of alibi material. 
  •   I believe I follow so many gingers on twitter knowing full well they will not follow back is, a window into my psyche.  I set myself up for failure therefore, I don’t even have to try. Sad face.
  •  To test my theory some one please ask Michelle Wolf, Sara Schaeffer, Conan O’Brien or Adam Wilson who I am? A loyal follower that’s who!

Next up….When Ginger’s Attack!

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Ye Ole’ Dutch Oven

My policies are in poster form above my bed. They clearly state:
1. No Dutch Ovens
2. This is a Dutch Oven Free Zone
3. You are 50% less likely to get lucky if you break rules 1&2
4. When doubts creep in about whether or not to perform a Dutch Oven, reaquaint yourself with rules 1&2.
5. The dog is not subject to these rules as he cannot read.

~Enjoy your stay and hold it till morning xo The Management.~

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Fashionista

Whoever coined the phrase fashionesta is either a. part of a powerful marketing group or b. sweeping up false eyelashes and broken dreams on Toddlers n Tiaras.

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Spambots

A spambot retweeted me a half a second before I pushed publish and now I can’t feel my legs.

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Sausage fingers

Does anyone know of some sausage finger excercises? I keep hitting the microphone next to the spacebar. The freakishly huge spacebar in comparrison to the overall keyboard and one my stubby thumbs should easily navigate. This problem severly hampers my verbosity and I’m starting to think my phone knows it.

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"I love the smell of burnt hair in the morning"